Starting off..

Started my new job today.. was very tired at the initial part of the day cos the nite b4 I couldn't slp.. too anxious I guess.. Anyway... colleagues are moderately alrite.. saw that they were even more straight 4ward than me (birds of the feather flock together).. haha.. I feel tat their kinda super duper weird though.. they only go toilet twice a day.. they don't go to the pantry to get water.. but so far.. I still love them.. haha.. lots to learn.. plan to master everything by this week.. need more wisdom from my Father in Heaven.. I spent 1 whole day on an employees headcount list and database system.. pray for me to enlarge my capacity k.. hiaz.. was super drained at the end of the day.. suppose to knock off at 5.30pm.. but I left at 7pm.. so much for wanting to recharge...

Back home now.. mugging for my paper the following week.. it's a deferred paper cos I fell sick on one of exams dates last year.. needed to wait 1/2 a yr plus for the deferred paper.. can u imagine tat?! later there's my fav show Desperate Housewives.. tat's abt the only show I get to watch nowadays..

Received an email from one of my close ex-colleague.. she's "ang mo".. always enjoyed the time I spent with her and the talks I had.. hopw I don't lose contact with my frens from my previous companies.. it's hard to stay in touch when you hardly even have time to do your stuff..

Here're some pics I took (quite ugly though) when I was out pretty late with my choir frens.. We went to watch movie then had supper.. took alot of stupid looking pics.. well.. we're just being our crappy self.. haha..

Really released?

Went lunch with my ex-colleagues Huey Min, Doreen, Ah choo Azali and Judy at Bagus Yong Dao Fu.. Too bad it's not 24hrs.. if not I'll dominate tat place.. the yong dao fu is super good.. anyway.. glad to be able to squeeze in some time for them.. kinda miss them actaully.. they complained the office has been very quiet without me.. haha.. well at least now I know my noise is actually appreciated.. haha... Went for a shoot at Toa Payoh after that with Weiye, James, Angeline, Carol and a few others.. got paid 20 bucks for the shoot.. not bad eh.. went to macs to fellowship for a while then off to Riverwalk for cg.. Just came back from the combined zone cg meeting.. cried buckets during ministering time.. Bro Edmund prayed for me 3 times! Geez.. I guess I really needed alot of ministering for.. funny.. after that ppl started asking me, " Are you ok? U look sick.. Ur face looks puffy and red".. Ehhh.. from what I remembered there were tons of ppl manifesting, crying and screaming all around me.. so to even ask this question.. hmmm.. man! I felt like I din even needed to tell them I've just ended a deep crying session.. it's either they're totally soaked in the spirit b4 tat and oblivious to wateva tat's around them or they totally think my swollen eyes are normal.. Anyway.. I had a good release.. have you eva felt like you had already let go of something/someone tat hurt you so much only to find out that months later all you were doing was just to supress everything? Well.. tat's how I feel rite now.. but I'll be fine.. I will come out of it eventually.. Waited till my eyes weren't tat red before heading off.. talked to an ex-leader Emily.. She and Joseph are engaged.. so happy for her.. saw Bro Tan get back together with Minghui also.. they also seem very happy together.. tot to myself, nexttime when I get attached, I will want to be this happy also.. no more crying till late nitez cos of a quarrel.. God will not allow this to happen to me again.. Amen! went to meet Jas at Ahava after my eyes weren't tat swollen anymore.. thank God for great frens who are always there for me anytime anywhere.. Dropped by Selegie, we ate Dao Huey (again).. had a good chat.. felt fine after tat.. even more determined to recover fully.. sometimes God puts ppl in your lives to help you with that.. nv need to go thru tat alone.. took cab home.. we're suppose to reach Ahava at 9am later and I'm still blogging.. "well done" Amanda.. Anyway.. I reached home.. eyes super dry.. tired but fully awake.. got a call from Jiahui.. she too was just checking on me.. hiaz.. I hope when I start my new job, I'll still have time to fellowship with my frens.. i dun want to be busy with work 5 and a half days a week and have no life at all. I'm a very fren and outdoor person.. I can't stand a work-home-school-slp schdule every day of the week.. it'll drive me nuts.. God.. enlarge my capacity!!! okie.. I better go to slmber land rite now.. it's been a tiring day.. need to rest my precious eyes.. got my new specs done early this week and my eyesight has gotten worse.. so I'd better start taking care of them.. I'm out.. nitezzZzZZzZZzz...

Forgive and FORGET...

Went to work as usual at Ahava, after tat I met up with Jenn for lunch.. She gave me a treat at Sushi Tei (cos she and I loves Jap food).. She and I had a great talk.. got to know more abt her life and how she views things around her.. a good fren.. we laughed at some stuff.. funny how ppl just come into ur life and impact u in some way or other.. Oh well.. What can I say... God had it all planned.. Rite God? Oh man.. my schedule is really jam packed this wk.. After finishing lunch with Jenn, I rushed down to Suntec to meet Jas (Jenn drove me).. Found Jas at the donut store.. she wanted to buy some for me.. the donuts looked good but I was too stuffed so I just gave them a miss.. Jas was in distress.. she had some stuff goin on btw her and her members's mum.. I did not really want to budge in.. but glad I was there for her.. so was she.. I told her some things are really just beyond our control.. no use getting upset bcos of someone who's not even worth it.. she told me she just felt so much for her member tat's all.. Hmm.. Jas is really a great leader with such a big heart.. no wonder she's one of my best frens.. Feeling a little helpless, I just stepped aside and consoled her the best I could.. She was really upset (1st time I actually saw her cry).. We went to the church office then to find her ZS, Yilun.. I left them alone then stumbled upon my own ZS Bro Edmund.. I was so happy to see him cos I seldom have chances to tok to him.. To me communication is one way I use to press into my leaders' lives. He asked me wat I was doin at the church office and we went on to tok abt some other stuff until we came to this topic abt my ex bf.. he asked me sth tat stunned me.. "so how're u and him? can say hi? u should be ok by now. it's been so long already..." I said.. " I can't say hi but i really have no more feelings already towards him.." and then Bro Ed actually challenged me to say hi to him... oh man! I almost did a double flip backwards... Wat! To me.. forgiving is easy.. but forgetting... Hmmm.. can't say the same for it.. it takes lots of 'manessiah' to get it done.. sometimes I still fail very badly in its process.. I've somehow learnt to come to terms with such challenges.. it's not going to be easy at all.. but with the constant help and motivation from my "Jie mei"s, family, leaders, as well as my awesome Father in Heaven. I believe I will overcome huge mountains.. This must be one of them.. If God is for me.. who can be against me! Mountain... here I come!!

Hideous Love...

Jiahui sent me a poem.. not one tat will appeal to many but at least it appeals to the 4 of us.. POEM OF LOVE Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone- To have a deep soul relationship with another- To be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to a Christian say, “No, not unless you are satisfied, fulfilled and contented with being loved by Me alone – With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me- With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found- Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be able to unite with another until you are united with Me- Exclusive of anyone or anything else- Exclusive of any desire or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, One that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the very best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting great things- Keep experiencing the great satisfaction that I am, Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that’s all. Don’t worry, don’t be anxious. Don’t look around at the things others have or I have given them. Don’t look at the things you want, Just keep looking at Me, or you’ll miss the things I want to show you. And when you’re ready, I would surprise you with a love far more than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready, (I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time) Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me, And the life I’ve prepared for you, You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me; The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and the love I offer you with Myself. Knowing that I love you utterly, I am God? Believe it and be satisfied.” I care, Jesus Christ Sometimes it just occurs to me.. why do ppl get together and breakup in the end? wat's the use of getting together in the first place & in the end and suffer the distressed effects of the breakup after that? is love and marriage just a game for 2? or is it something that is really pre-destined? For me.. after havin experienced so much hurt in relationships and seeing real case senarios in my household everyday these past few years of my existence here on planet Earth.. man I have so decided.. I finally surrendered this area of my life to God on 15th August 2006. wateva happens from now.. will be soley determined by Him.. like wat this poem says.. I should just stop lookin at the things I want.. cos if I do.. I will end up getting disappointed again and again.. So God.. here's me.. not looking anymore at the things I want.. but only looking at You..

Precious Time

1 more week.. hiaz.. time really flies.. kinda anxious & nervous abt my new job.. another phase of my life.. another hurdle.. another blessing.. another moment.. so amny things are goin thru my mind now but I just can't seem to put them down in words.. maybe it's just me thinkin too much again.. haha.. Anyway.. I've only 1 week of freedom left.. just gotta make full use of it to catch up with my frens.. so many frens.. so little time.. I value frenship but I'm just too bz.. Tat's sad.. but I'm making an effort.. I really am.. Met Hwee Cheng (my ex-colleague)out for dinner again.. don't know when will be the next time I'll be able to meet up with her again.. she's a good colleague, fren, mentor, blesser and guardian.. she goes all out for a fren and really has their best interests at heart most of the time.. some1 with such a big heart.. where to find such a fren? hmmm... this time I took her out for dinner and it was my treat.. out of the countless treats tat she has given me.. wat is mine compares to hers.. haha.. we talked and talked.. funny when girls get together, they all tend to engage in non-stop blabber.. but it was meaningful.. cherished every moment of it.. Hwee Cheng managed to "salvage" the meaningful poster I had behind my ex-office's desk cos she said I needed it.. to sum it up the words on the poster talks abt putting everything behind you and living life to the fullest.. yeh.. maybe I really needed this poster.. I asked her how she managed to take the poster behind my desk without my ex-boss seeing it.. her reply,"don't care la.. I just take and go lor.. if your boss want to catch me then ask him to catch me on the cctv lor.. anyway I also have left tat company ma.." haha.. tat ans is so funny.. so much for salvaging my long lost poster.. haha.. Next week's all set and packed.. Meeting at least 2 frens everyday.. for lunch and dinner.. as well as my Ahava.. they're havin big events so I got to help out.. at nites will be packed with choir prac, classes, cg and meeting my "jie mei"s.. think me, Jas and jiahui r goin to work for Ahava together tmr at suntec.. My close fren in choir, Kelly's coming back from HK tmr.. she's waitin for me to fill her in abt my stuff as well.. good.. all my frens r coming back from overseas.. good timing.. Idy gave the choir helpers a "scolding" today cos of our group's attendance but after tat she gave me a present. I was a bit surprised.. she said.. "I scold.. but I still love you guys" and I gave her a hug.. suddenly realised that, yes.. I got to be burdened to do a proper follow up on my members and get them to account for their attendance and late-comings.. have been quite laid back in this area recently.. kind of feeling quite guilty now.. Amanda! buck up girl!! Just finished a coffee ice-cream my Grandfather bought for me.. yuck! but I still finished it anyway.. of the record.. I do not like coffee ice-cream.. I only fancy the normal coffee drink or ice-blends.. wat's worse.. it had nuts in it.. too many nuts in fact! sorry... I dun really fancy nuts either... this is wat I call.. an ice-cream of a kind.. okie.. time for me to Zzzzz again.. slumberland.. tmr I got to wake up at 6.30am again.. wat should I wear? hmmm.. another headache.. we'll work this out tmr then.. love you guys! signing out....

Gab's back!

While I was at Ahava today, I randomly checked my hp.. 1 missed call.. Gab! hahaha.. my beloved brother Gab is back! yeh.. he went to France for a mth plus.. he's back.. I've alot to fill him in.. Started the 1st day of my new semester today.. kind of slept in class.. oops.. haha.. will try to stay awake the nexttime round.. Looking forward, I'm gonna be super duper busy, new job, ministry, frens, personal time, school etc etc.. see.. sooo busy.. oh man.. I hope I can stop to breathe at times.. Just realised sth.. My vow's ending soon.. in 3 weeks.. there's this feeling of yes! there's sth in-stored.. but yet there's this feeling of.. nah.. everything's just gonna be the same.. hiaz.. wat can I say.. mixed feelings suck.. you know in life.. things always do not go your way(speaking from 1st hand experience).. so you'll just have to go with the flow.. struggling in this area.. I always tend to question God alot.. but as time goes by, you realise that everything that happens, happens for a purpose and it's purpose is always intended cos it's pre-destined.. Search my heart oh Lord You know my every thought An open book to You I place my all in Your hands Falling at Your feet As my whole world Fades away Falling at Your feet Let my life be wholly Thine My life be wholly Thine, Jesus I love You God..

1 more week..

This is to proclaim out loud that I have officially 1 week of pure rest before I embark on a new journey in my life.. My new job.. Wow.. time really flies huh.. guess God felt that I really needed that long rest after all that I've gone thru.. have been "playing" alot recently, have been going out with frens for lunch, shopping (I had a shooping spree at 2 Mango outlets with Jas before having a meal at Sakae Sushi), watchin movies, goin ktv, hanging out, taking my own sweet time to cg, svc & choir prac(cos I rush to them most of the time & I reckon I'm going to be doin tat alot when I start work again..), working part-time in a job I love (cos I can do sth for Israel),with wonderful colleagues & bosses.. ya.. See.. the lifestyle now is sooo shoik.. Oh ya.. I recommended one of my cg member, Angeline, to take over me, cos I'll be starting my new job soon, only will be working for Ahava on sun (cos I still want to do sth for Israel, n this is so it for now).. So Angeline, must do a good job k.. thanks sis! and to my dearest Jasmine Kon, hope I didn't cause you to shop till your head and legs were served on the platter (sorry guys.. our internal joke).. haha Idy's back.. I had so much to update her on cos sooo many things happened to me during the pass 2 weeks while she was awy at Taiwan.. went out with her, Meida, Estella, Yishan, Adam & Hardy to watch some chinese show starring Nicholas Tze which I thought was very good.. Hmm... cherish this moment k.. cos u seldom hear me say this to chinese shows.. I'm a very English person.. but it's good.. so go watch it.. the funny thing was after the movie, all of us stood in a circle to "anaylse" the movie except for me cos I drifted apart and thank God Jas called me if not I would have fallen asleep.. well anyway.. we went to Swensons for a drink and I reached home at 4 am.. ZzZZZZZZZ.... What can I say.. Sleep's heavenly.. Later I'll still be goin Ahava to work.. told my boss I can chiong for her this wk and the next but after the 30th I can't.. she said I was very funny.. and I had tons of question marks floating around me.. Dyed my hair red, I hopefully my new boss & colleagues will not think it's too red cos they're gonna see lots of red in future cos most of the time my hair's red.. well.. if I'm gonna work with all of them, they just got to accept my fashion sense.. anyway.. it's just a hair colour.. I don't see anything wrong in being me.. Exam's coming in 2 week's time.. must study not play so much... cos after next wk, I will have lots to grapple with.. actually.. I'm having gitters in my stomach just tinking of starting work so soon. Zhifu preached on consistency, excellence and perfection, paying attention to details during cg.. that's wat I need in work.. got to pray for this everyday, if not I'll keep messing up again.. if I commit everything to God.. in Him, I'll have ordained strength.. Amen!

Contemplating..

I've been having lots of late nites.. thinkin abt alot alot of stuff.. sometimes it's good to contemplate but too much of it.. hmmm.. maybe it's not tat good after all.. My ex bf used to tell me,"Darling, you think too much, no wonder ur head's so big." Yes.. and why am I not surprised.. no wonder he's no longer my bf.. Speaking of him.. my best frens have been seeing him and her quite often, in church (oh man.. they actually dare to show up so openly in church).. Somehow I got this feeling tat it's gonna be my turn to see them together soon.. Just hope tat I'll be able to handle the situation well when it actually happens (really counting on You God.. HELP ME!!!).. There's a combined zone adult cg meeting at the end of this mth.. sth tat has been bothering me a tiny little bit.. My cgl says I shouldn't be bothered by him any longer cos it's been like 1 yr plus already, but to tell u the truth, I'm still not quite ready to see them both holding hands and walking together happily yet.. well.. when it happens, it'll happen, I'm stronger than tat.. Greater is He who's in me then he that's in the world.. for this, I embrace the challenge and am ready for wateva tat is in-stored.. it's not gonna be easy.. but I strongly believe I'm an overcomer (well.. at least those who're close to me think likewise too).. Anyway, back to where I was.. these 2 weeks I've been quite free up.. doing my normal work at Ahava then going out with frens, spending time with family and not forgetting serving in my ministry plus attending interviews.. had some time to catch up on my slp.. sth I've been laggin alot in.. haha.. Well, wanna know why I always think abt stuff so much.. here's wat I tink abt.. my life's journey & destination. Been fasting for these 2 days.. for a breakthru in my life, personal walk with God and guidance.. PTL.. Found a job.. finally.. quite a good paying one as well.. some of my frens say it's luck.. but those of you who're close to me will know.. I've nv believed in it.. I believe more in the divine intervention that thru Him will I be sure that He can work wonders.. do mighty exploits and work miracles for me.. I will be eva ready to shine for Him, cos I am so so so tremendously greatful for all he's done.. Obstacles after obstacles have I continuously faced on a daily, mthly basis, but God has seen me thru it all.. in times of great trials.. I've struggled, but He nv seizes to intervene at His very own perfect time to help me do His perfect will tat He has ordained strength for me to accomplish.. Now, I can comfortably say that I am fine.. With great thanks I was so moved to tears today.. wheneva I look back and have seen how He has helped me pull thru the most difficult & trying times of my life, I am utterly greatful for eternity, it is not luck, but pure intervention from the One I will love 4eva.. I remember my ZS, Bro Edmund telling me during one of my most depressed times, "you have hit rock bottom, there's no where else to go except up." I climbed alright.. I really climbed and climbed.. I climbed with every ounce of strength I had, wanting to give up most of the time.. resorting to many worldly methods of "relieving" stress along the way (sth you guys shouldn't follow, tat's where I messed up a little).. As I gathered the lost fragments of my life on the way up, my past kept ressurrecting itself making it harder to climb.. Now, I can see the light on top of the valley and I'm still climbing.. We're all still climbing, we will always be climbing.. but He can help us climb out of our valley.. He will.. For those of you have walked me down the past 3 years of my life.. you will see tat it was really difficult for me to stay happy and portray the jovial Amanda that you see everyday.. it really wasn't easy but I can honestly tell you that my hope, joy and strength tat keeps me going today, tmr, and will 4eva keep me goin.. is found in Him.. I can now be a living testimony in wateva any of you are facing now.. life is tough, there will be great tribulation but thru Him, you have overcomed the world.. He will nv leave nor forsake you.. So wat am I contemplating on? To sum up.. the meaningfulness of our commitment to Him...

Bitter Sweet moments...

My childhood fren Lanny's goin off to Brisbane to study.. hiaz.. 2 yrs.. really gonna miss him.. he, me, Rushy, Mizzy and sometimes Ana will always hang out together.. with him gone.. think we wouldn't be hangin out 4 the next 2yrs till he's back.. Well.. anyway.. I'm happy for him.. just gonna miss him.. oh ya.. Lanny, if you're reading this.. I hope u like all the photos I've put up.. A compilation of all our hangouts together.. Take good care of yourself my dearest Lanny Bunny! Actually I had thoughts of goin over to Monash University in Perth to complete my degree as well but finances and my soft heart really does not permit me to.. Nvm.. I'll have my chance to go Australia in future.. perhaps for my honeymoon? Just came back from Sentosa.. had cg outing there.. my members kinda got closer aft today.. we played lots of games.. volleyball, telematch, water bombs (I din get wet at all! Whooo!).. Lots of food there.. Spaggetti, beef stew, fish/sotong balls, fresh fruits, titbits (bought by yours sincerely), bread etc.. Forgot to bring 2 very impt things there.. my camera and my shades (good thing it wasn't so sunny). We prayed for good weather and God answered our prayers.. I didn't really have to spend much.. my cg members blessed me for my train ticket into Sentosa and a drink at the cafe plus a free ride home.. See.. Surely His goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.. Thanks God.. Had fun but was very tired cos the previous nite I slept pretty late.. There were 10 plus kids there.. sometimes I felt myself being a nanny.. but this is good experience.. trains me to be a better mum in future.. I know it's still early.. but I just love kids.. would really like to have some of my own in future.. Got to give out balloons tmr for Ahava aft svc.. Jas will be joining me as well.. so cool.. working with 1 of ur best fren.. okie.. gotta slp now.. waking up at 6.30am to report for choir..

A fren is need is a fren indeed..

Talked to Kelly just now.. told her abt some stuff I was struggling with.. she talked and prayed with me even though I could sense tat she was really very tired.. This is wat I call.. sacrificial love for a fren.. Thanks Kelly.. Love ya! Kinda bz now at Ahava, just doin it part-time till I find something better. The boss of Ahava is really 1 of the bestest bosses I have eva met.. always having the employee's interest at heart.. no wonder he's so successful.. See.. it never pays to be nasty.. hope my previous boss will come to realise this in time to come.. of course on my part, I need to strive for further perfection as well.. Like wat I said.. everything happens for a purpose.. I'm still trusting God for the earnestly long awaited breakthru I've been desiring in my job aspects.. Back to my Ahava boss, he has such a happy close-knited family, all very supportive of each other.. the way he treats his wife.. Tip tops! Looking at how successful he is in almost all aspects of his life only makes me sooo envious each time I look at him.. he's like my walking inspiration to wat I would like to become in future.. maybe 10 yrs down the road? I dunno... Everyday after helping out till quite late (2am), he and his wife will send me all the way home (to my blk below).. it's like.. which boss even does that?! Truely God is watching over me.. When I recall the song Falling.. there's a part that goes like this.. "Search my heart oh Lord.. You know my every thought.. An open book to You.. I place my all in Your Hands..." This is kind of wat I'm feeling rite now.. Although I know tat there are always many frens who are very ready to lend me a listening ear but ultimately the one who really and truely knows me best is God.. Sometimes you just want to put all that's bothering you into His hands and let Him have it all cos there's really nothing much you can do about the situation. Letting go and letting God take control of everything would be something easier said than done.. but it can be done.. So God.. I'm letting go rite now.. consider this done... I love You... I've got a cg outing at Sentosa later... hiaz.. gonna spend $$ again.. but nvm.. I've got Jehova Jireh with me.. so it shouldn't be much of a problem.. haha.. okie.. gotta rest now.. I still have to wake up to buy refreshments.. so much to do.. so little time.. ok.. I'm tired.. better go Zzzzz now..

Godly Lovable Babes

Blessings..

I met my colleagues Hwee Cheng, Kevin, Doreen and Huey Min today.. They drove and fetched me at bedok interchange (said it was nearer for me). They treated me a belated farewell lunch.. vegetarian. cos Kevin's vegetarian and will forever be.. haha.. actually I don't really like vegetarian food but it was still nice though.. it was spending time with them tat mattered the most.. I really miiss everyone in the company.. every single one of them.. and I mean it. I talked to Doreen, she and I have really gone a long way..but all is well now and we have both decided taht we're not goin to let anything get in the way of our frenship eva again.. after lunch Hwee Cheng drove me home. She's really caring and will go all out for some1 she cares abt.. hope she finds a man of her dreams soon.. Azali and Judy says that it is so quiet without me in the office and they are not used to it. Many are still shocked that I left like my director Khai Pang who still came lookin for me the following day.. Heard tat many are goin to those close frens of mine and asking why is it I left.. my ans.. I have no choice!! but I just can't say anything.. My beloved boss.. oh man.. he's goin around telling ppl his version of wat happened.. geez man... I tot this was suppose to be confidential.. Nvm.. anyway.. I'm sooo done with him.. Thank God.. it's a blessing tat I'm out of AVC now... Judy called me last nite.. wat she told me really touched me and I teared on the phone (haven't really cried much aft Monday's incident).. no1 has eva told me stuff like tat b4 (only my best frens have).. I love my ex-colleagues.. it's sad to leave them all behind but everything happens for a purpose.. and I believe that there's more better things in-stored for me.. Many ppl are now on the lookout for me, emailing me, msning me, calling me.. Thought I could rest a bit for a while but everyday I'm still waking up the normal time and getting busy.. talking to ppl mostly.. my plan's somehow finalised.. really know wat I wan now.. done with tearing and pondering.. well at least now I get to spend more personal time with God (without much distractions).. Goin to Centrepoint later to the shop & get some things done there. After tat I'll be meeting Jiahui, Jas and Michelle for dinner.. all wanna be there for me.. really thank God for such awesome frens present in my life.. I just hope I have more time to go out with all of them.. really tresure all my frens and I hope none of you will feel I've forgotten abt u.. cos I really haven't.. I love you guys. My time is really limited.. Would it be good if time ticked away slower? Hmmm... but then again.. all things are made beautiful in His time..

A New Beginning

I'm big time looking 4 a new job now.. initially I felt quite lost.. walked home yesterday after a full blast of events at the office and prayed out loud.. gee.. I hope no one was behind me.. haha.. anyway, it was a good prayer walk though. After tat I met Lanny, he had some dvds to pass me.. but better not indulge in them.. tat'll be sth fruitless.. Feeling much better. I know wat I really wanna do.. did nth yesterday nite except talk to some close frens of mine, my cgl and my mum... there're really a great comfort and motivation.. Jiahui said I have grown stronger.. guess I have, over the past 2 yrs. Much has happened, I just need some time to breathe.. to calm down n prepare for a new beginning.. at least somehow aft everything, I know God is guiding me thru, I'm not aloned & I'm really loved by many around me.. this really touches me.. I thank God for such favour, for great frens, colleagues & not forgetting family.. Called Meida today, hiaz.. Idy's not here (at Taiwan) so at least I had to be accountable to Meida.. told her wat happened.. we had a good talk.. she was going for a facial.. I had mine last wk.. it was good.. oh well.. wat can I say.. we're just girls.. haha.. Goin for an interview on Fri.. hope I get it.. Doin some planning now.. got so much on hand.. having a bad headache now, not sure why.. maybe due to lack of slp, fasting after not eating much yesterday, stress or my spectacles which I needed to change mths ago but haven't got the time to get it done.. haha.. anyway.. I still have much to plan for.. it's not done yet.. I got to discuss it with some people first.. this wk, choir prac's cancelled.. so tat gives me some quality time.. my mind's swirling, my bro just bought food home for me.. how thoughtful.. I just love my brothers.. mabybe I shall take a break for now and continue with it tonite.. pondering is tiring.. I'm focused but uncertain.. need some guidance.. guess all will be fine in time to come.. okie.. I'll take a break for now.. too tired, I've been thinkin from 9am straight till now... my mind certainly needs a rest..

Unpredictable...

Met my ex-colleague, Michelle out for dinner today.. it's really amazing.. I was only in my ex company for 3 mths and since then it has been close to 2yrs since we've known each other.. Still, we're able to click so well although I seldom have time 4 her and vice versa.. Truely God is awesome.. Hmm.. she shared some personal stuff with me.. and again, I found myself feelin so burdened for her.. Wat she has gone thru is very similar to me but hers is much prolonged and a little more complicated as a result of certain choices she has made.. Well, things are very unpredictable, 4 me, my future lies in His hands. I will just live it all up to Him.. Just came back from hanging out with Jiahui at my house Macdonalds.. Thank God its 24 hrs or else we would be hanging out at void decks infested with cockroaches.. Yucks! Hate them! Jas couldn't join us.. she bummed at her frens house. Kinda love these chats with my close frens.. All 4 of us are really very close, we try to meet up at least once a wk.. but sometimes Xuemin gets left out a little cos she lives a little further.. Anyway.. she'll always get updates.. so it's alrite.. we're still the unanimous 4 lovable babes.. Like wat I said earlier , women can really talk.. and I mean REALLY talk.. We tok abt anything.. sort out our thoughts together.. listen to each other, "complain", express "grieviances", plan together, share stuff together, encourage, pray together, blah blah blah... You'll nv eva get a full gist of what we do when the 4 of us come together.. haha.. but gals, you get wat I mean rite? Had a close shave on Thurs nite at cg.. my cgl, Zhifu "rescued" me if not someone from my hedious past would have come back to me right smack into my face.. Well, all is well.. I'm no longer affected by it.. it's time I move on seriously.. okie.. I know I'm talkin in parables.. nvm.. such details are not meant to be fished out anyway.. Sorry I even got here... Had a serious talk with my cgl on the way back home.. it was late.. I was a little tired but the talk was good.. I did reflect a great deal on my struggles and strengths.. determined to work on them..

Listening Intently

1 of my colleague, Hwee Cheng is leaving soon.. A sad fact.. sth tat happens every now n then. Now I know that wat they say is so true, yes.. parting is such sweet sorrow.. Well Hwee Cheng, if you are reading this.. here's wishing you all the best in your future endeavours.. gonna miss you lots.. This week I've been listening to lots of ppl coming to me with all sorts of problems.. like their work, relationship stuff, personal life. Just finished listen to my colleague blab blab blab abt another colleague.. and another blab abt his family problems.. This is sth I really like to do (to help others by listening to them and giving them Amanda's counsel which Amanda attains from her Father in Heaven), it's always good to invest effort n time in ppl's lives but it's not always tat I have so much spare time to listen to them.. Oh man.. feeling so guilty already.. Sorry guys! I tried.. ok.. I'll try harder.. haha.. Just some reflections on this, I feel that we women tend to talk alot. Women tend to slow down and think abt their problems using more of their emotions rather than their analytical skills.. Men on the other hand tend to do more action, they always want to get problems solved fast.. get it over and done with.. that is why constant conflict often arises btw the male and female species.. Oops.. Hope I have not offended any1.. haha.. But it's true! Put wat I've said to thought.. u'll understand what I mean..

Getting started...

Not really sure why I'm starting a blog of my own. Perhaps it's bcoz everyone around me is bloggin so I just gotta lift sth of my chest.. haha.. Anyway.. I believe it's gonna be a good start. Believe it or not, I'm a rather private person with just a few close frens who really really know me thru n thru.. 3 of them in fact.. Jia Hui.. Jasmine and Xuemin.. If you guys r reading this.. just wanna say... I llloooovveee yyyouuuuu guuyysss!!! *hugs* Ya.. things have been rather down lately.. my bro's sick in camp.. high fever I heard.. my frens around me getting so sick and down.. some getting depressed.. N me.. I can do nth to help except to pray and interceed for them.. Just had a talk with 1 of my choir fren yesterday after choir prac.. My ex helper in fact.. she told me she has been down lately.. indulging in DVDs.. not feeling like talking to anyone.. I just listened helplessly.. she was 1 of those who were there for me just early last yr aft my terrible terrible depressing breakup with my ex bf.. I cried buckets then.. but now when I saw tears welling up in her eyes, I could see so much anguish but there was so little I could do to help.. I could only softly tell her," Hey.. you were there for me lasttime.. let me be there for you now.." Have you had this feeling of wanting to help someone so bad but at the end of the day.. there's only this much you can do.. This is really a time we ought to let go and let God do the rest.. Here's trusting You and You alone God.. If You could pull me out of my anguish last year.. You definitely can work the same miracles for my love ones now.. cos You are the same yesterday, today and 4eva... There is indeed hope in You alone.. Amen..