Comfort Zone

It's scary.. sometimes u get so comfortable in life and you wan out... nv eva get contented.. feel u need tat kind of challenge... hiaz..... alamak..... super hard to please rite? when things are rocky.. u complain... when things get too comfortable also complain... how ah Mandy? whahaha..... think I'll just hv to be brave enough to step up and step out... hmmm..... funny talking about bravery.... most ppl think I'm very very bold & brave bcos of how I look and portray myself... but let me tell u guys... my bravery is super circumstancial k.... just tat I dont show it out only... hehe.. BF is finally here... another time of sowing and reaping... roughly I hv tat figure but God is always on time... He may change some stuff during the svc itself..... looking back at how He brought me out of the sinking pit & rescued me.... hiaz... it just brings tears to my eyes... tink I'm gonna cry alot this coming svc.... betta get ready my tissues....... oh my gosh... u knw y i'm super typing nonsense rite now? cos my bro just came back from Australia aft a month... I came home for dinner aft work & there was sooooo much food.. so ate lor... no choice ma.... I'm suppose to be slpin rite now... getting ready for work tmr... but I feel super stuffed... cant even lie down la! wha..... God....~! help!! dont wanna be a walking zombie tmr morning man..... it's gonna be a long day tmr....

Thankfulness...

Dont know whether any of u hv experienced this... Sometimes u just stop in the midst of ur busy schedule to take a look of stuff around you... In the midst of discontentment this week, I found thankfulness... thankful for the small things around me... frens, ministry, work... hmmmm.... the simplicity of some of these things I desire in my life sometimes comfort me.. It clearly shows that He's watching & caring in His very own way... when I'm alone, tat's when He's most evident in my life... Although not all things tat I desire hv come to past but I believe that sooner or later in God's very own perfect timing.. it will happen... maybe it's just stretching my faith... maybe it's not meant to be yet or not meant to be at all... maybe it's just a test of my patience... maybe it's part of a moulding process (cos there's nv a end to this)...I remember Pst saying that God is more interested in your character than your comfort... He knows wat He's doing... Yeh Pst... I sooo get the full picture... Tink I'm really a living example when it comes to this statement... not just me... but my best pals too... when u see ppl goin thru stuff (some worse than wat u're goin thru), u stop feeling lonely goin thru it all on ur own... my best frens r really awesome cgls... they really hv a great calibre of faith... some of u shld hear their stories... but they still hang in there no matter how tough it is... everytime... still loving their members to the max... really to the max... wow... I salute u guys man... it is not easy to live for Him... it has nv been... but we just gotta keep on moving... not for status sake but more for wat or how much He matters to you... Who is He to you in your life? What do you regard Him as? I would admit tat I am a very very imperfect person... ask my leaders & best frens... they know me best... they know my struggles... but I am loyal to those who have given me a chance to grow.. loyal to those who choose to rebuke me in love... grateful to those who choose to see my strengths instead of flaws... tat no matter how many times I mess up.. they just keep telling me to believe & try..... cm'on Mandy... u can do it... this phrase "you can do it".. it sounds so simple... just a very simple statement... but to me.... it means alot... it takes some1 to really hv great trust in me to actually say tat to me... sometimes it takes 10 positive statements to fill up 1 negative 'hole' made by someone who hurt u in ur life.. so take time to fill up tat hole... just like me.. time heals... I can say tat now I've recovered... I'm ready... up & going... except for a few 'punches' thrown at me every now & then.. otherwise... I'm fine... Loving once again.... He has built me up fairly well...... *closing my eyes & taking a deep breath*..... Thank you God..... I love You...

My fav watch is gone....

Hiaz... not everything lasts 4eva... even my fav watch is also affected by this statement... Once it's gone.. it's really gone... today I accidentally hit my watch against 1 of the cupboards that was left open by 1 of the finance staff..... the sound was so loud... I was shocked & looked at my watch immediately... the next thing I knew... the face of the watch was broken... I've tried to replace the glass but none of the watch sops have tat kind of glass so it cant really be replaced..... Arrgghh... hiaz.. I was sooo upset 4 the whole day.... it's really my fav watch & it has been with me 4 like 5 yrs... tat's half a decade! some of my finance colleagues heard it... 1 of them still told me,"wha! Rolex ah!"... I was already like so upset already then she still so sarcastic... wha.... 4 once I really felt like smacking her sia.... anyway, I just ignored her & went to my cubicle to sulk... took me a while to recover fr the 'shock'..... just sat there starring at my watch 4 a full 5-10 mins... this may sound drama.... but I was really very very upset.... 5 yrs & it's really gone just bcos of 1 knock... accidentally summore! also not purposely!! every1 thinks tat the watch must be very expensive but it's not... it's brandless... it's just tat I have lots of memories attached to tat watch & it has a lot of sedimental value in it... I do shop 4 clothes & assesories but not 4 watches..... I dont shop 4 watches at all coz all along I've only been using tat 1 watch... really... funny rite? but it's true! hiaz.... really very upset... hope something betta can replace this... sorry 4 braggin guys... but I'm really very upset abt the loss of my favourite watch... HIAZzzzz.... Sobzzz.....

Disturbia...

I've come to a conclusion tat Rihanna only sings the best songs 4 dancing... heard this song in Double O tat day... sth new.... this song rocks.. erm... for now.... at least.... cos u kinda get sick of her songs when u hear them for too long... haha... oops.... no offence to Rihanna fans... So peeps... if u like it... rock on too... whooo....

I still believe in destiny... tat u & I were meant to be...

Nice song........... Somehow I know I will find a way, To a brighter day, in the sun....... Somewhere I know that he waits for me, Someday soon he'll see, I'm the one. I won't give up on this feeling, And nothing could keep me away. ........'Cause I still believe in destiny, That you and I were meant to be.I still wish on the stars as they fall from above,'Cause I still believe, believe in love. (Na na na, na nana, na na na, na nana) I know what's real can not be denied, Although it may hide for a while. With just one touch love can calm your fears, Turning all your tears, into smiles.............It's such a wonderous feeling,I know that my heart can't be wrong........'Cause I still believe in destiny,That you and I were meant to be.I still wish on the stars as they fall from above,'Cause I still believe, believe in love.......Love can make miracles, change everything,Lift you from the darkness, and make your heart sing (make your heart sing), Love is forever, when you fall, it's the greatest power of all..............Oh I still believe in destiny,That you and I were meant to be. I still wish on the stars as they fall from above......... 'Cause I still believe, believe in love.Yes I still believe, believe in love. I still believe in love, (na na na, na nana, na na na, na nana)I still believe, believe in love,I still believe, believe in love............

1st LPC... now SWL... will it stop here?

Hmm... I have to choose rite... but both are somewat not progressing.. I told a group of frens on Sun during fellowship tat there're just some things tat can't be compromised.. G told me to take it slow.. so I guess tat's wat I'm gonna do...... still not used to the N116... very quiet... now... I'm officially the youngest... really... small kid on the block.... the baby of the cg..... okie.. all these sound very wrong... but I'll get by them... haha... These few days.. really got alot of moments to cherish... so I brought my camera out with me almost everyday... Here're some pics I took over the week....

After a hard week... I certainly needed my Starbucks...

CHANGI AIRPORT... Took some tooty pics.. Bing & me in blur look...

The all-so-hugable Angeline...

Angeline, Bing & me... Gonna miss u guys man...

Zhifu Shifu.. the bestest leader in the whole entire planet...

The babes n I celebrated XM's bday on Sun... we went to a HK foodplace at Bugis... where they served humongous milk tea.... only a gorilla could finish it... I'm serious... I din take photo's of it but u shld hv seen it.... it's really drink until "pang sai"... really..... I went to the toilet 4 times after tat.... crazy... lactose intolerence.... so I'm gonna abstain from milk 4 the next 3 days or so.....

The fabulous menu which took me 1/2 hr to choose wat i wanted to eat...

Me, XM & Jas

Anna, me & XM

This was taking after I bombarded.. thank God it din show in the pic..

Happy Bday Xuemin... love ya sis....

JH was missing in the pics cos she wasn't feeling well... geez gurl... I hope u're fine now... dont forget our swimming date on Wed... PH!! finally..... I went to 1 of my ex-colleague- Michelle's wedding on Fri nite... real happy 4 her.. I teared during her march-in... hiaz... this is why I cant go 4 weddings... I'm always tearing when I share ppl's genuine joy....

My last meeting with the old N116...

Yesterday was our last cgm as the old N116.. how do I feel? Bitter-sweet.. most of my frens will be going to another cg.. In Sept 2006, I came to N116 with Gab, Bing & Angeline... Now.. of all the 4... I'm the only one left... Gab & me have been cg members 4 like half a decade.. tat's a long time man... my best bro... Gonna miss u man... really... When I heard the news tat we were gonna multiply.. I just prayed.. Where U put me God... I'll just flow... Funny where He places... nv expected tat I would still stay in N116.. He really works in ways we cannot see.. I got the "Most Courageous Person" award.. Din expect it at all... When it was time 4 a speech... I stammered my way thru.. totally lost 4 words.. haha...... celebrated Anna's bday the day b4.. I've been slping very late almost every nite this week.. still got work till tmr (Sat)... 1 more assignment due on Mon... havent started at all... Idy says I gotto have more time mgt... True... but I'm really super packed every wk... Guess aft my probation I really gotto sit down & plan out my schedule... if not I'll always be behind schedule & will hv lots of clashes... okie.... I betta go mug... tmr's another heavy day... Sun's grandpa's bday... havent been visting him... heard he misses me.. so I betta be there 4 him on Sun...

Clashes...

I really hate it when my schedule clashes... today I was actually scheduled to go 4 an impt mgt class cos nxt week I gotta and in my mgt comm assignment... ZF msged me abt a meeting at JW... then Belle also msged all the ICs to ask all choir members to go 4 the meeting.. I was super torned today... the meetin sounded impt but I just couldnt attend... tmr... I got choir prac... but I cant go... why... cos I've an assignment due on Wed... Super duper sianz!!! now u know why I seriously hate studying.... I downrite hate it... serious... hopefully I din miss much... I feel like this life of mine is like a race... miss anything n u find urself so so far behind... time to catch up gurl... they've all moved on.... *running*

False Alarm...

Pheww... realy a false alarm but glad I got it all cleared today... all my jie meis were alerted for nth... I had to spend time explaining not only to ZF but to them that I AM OK.. just was very very sick... nv knew tat offing my phone will lead to so much confusion... tink no matter how sick I am nxttime.. I'll try my best not to off my phone.. no promises... but I'll just try to... hiaz... I wonder... Y didn't they call my house? My mum could hv explained to them... hmm... nvm.... they're just concerned... better to hv ppl concerned abt u than no1 caring abt u at all... tat's sad... I wouldn't eva wanna land up in tat state... I love my frens... all of them.... God Bless ya'll!!! Muacks!!

I've been falling sick very frequently these past few weeks... think it must be some viruses floating around in the hospital... so funny.... there was a flu vacination goin on (which I missed).. but they said if u take it then u will hv some side effects aft tat.... so how? take or dont take? hiaz... medical stuff r just so ambigious.... no wonder most of the doctors look "nerdy"...not all... but most of them... sorry Docs! Anyway... my temperature got as high as 39 degrees on Wed nite... on Thurs I still went to work.... power rite? I've been having fever on & off for these past few weeks... could it be adjusting to my work environment? I hope I dont take too long to adjust... I need to get on with other stuff like my assignments & doing proper reading....

Forever.. can this be true?

Forever... wat does this word mean? wat can it be applied to? I have come to the conclusion tat nth is really 4eva in ur lifetime... only God's love is.. Today.. ZF told me some news tat was actually sth good but I took it the wrong way... hiaz.. I guess I just needed more time to do some digesting.. stayed with him & YB for quite a while during the blood donation drive... cherishing the moments.. how much more of these times am I gonna hv aft this rite? although I met my fren aft lunch to hang out... my mind was too pre-occupied so I decided to go home early instead... so many things on my mind.. everything seemed to doubtful and blurred at tat point in time.. On the mrt... so deep in thought... I came home.. poured my heart out to God.. just felt burdened in those 2 areas.. but God is good... aft tat "cry-out"... He spoke to me in my shower... I felt peace... tat He's there no matter wat.. tat He understands... So tender... So sweet... Giving me hope to carry on thru it all.... Change is truely the only constant in life.. just gotta move with it... the change... this life... some things tat I really wish could speed up... some things tat really make me wanna turn back time.. too short... just not handling it very well now... but no matter wat... I'll still hold on... Ran pass him today... market value went down a little I suppose.. but if it's meant to be.. it will happen... need not worry... saw him from afar... gave a huge sigh... only God can move this humongous mountain... give up? still waiting for a sign to... Assisgnments... tons of them due this month... can I handle them? will get them done by hook or by crook.. no choice.. I wanna grad by early 2010... too draggy... it should hv been completed by this yr...

Everything's gonna be alrite...

Last week was Pst Casey Treat... simple sermon but very applicable.. everything's fine now.. rollar coaster passing phase... met the babes for dinner yesterday nite.. JH's bday... me, Jas, XM, Anna, JH... the 5 of us.. just hanging out like the 'Desperate housewives'... whaha.. they're gonna kill me again if they hear this.. they hate it when I use the desperate housewives phrase on them... Anyway.. we went 4 dinner at some place in Douby Exchange (forgot wat's the name of the restaurant) then went to hang out at Starbucks... all of us used our Starbucks voucher we earned from "praying for it".. haha.. so funny... As we were laughing and talking a whole load of crap like we always do... I just looked at each of them intently... hiaz... My best frens.... wat will I eva do without them....

We're actually doing this pose that Jas does best.. her "Hallelujah!!"

Erm... we try to be photogenic after work... my eyes look kinda tired.. cos I really AM tired... I wake up 6am everyday including wkends... but God is still good.. He gives me the bestest frens in the whole entire planet... funny... my close frens aren't from my cg or ministry... they're scattered all over the place.. whahaha.. all from diff zones... but we always try our best to spend at least some time together once every 2 mths.. the one I get to see the least is XM... she's at JW...! Gosh... JH's sat expo... I seldom attd tat svc as well... then we hv Jas & Anna... same svc as me but diff zones altogether...

Anyway... Happy Bday gurl... Luv u luv u always...

The 'Hunting' Season

Yeh... it is the hunting season now in chc... but not 4 me... was just bumping into a few frens these few days & all of them asked me the same question..."how Amanda...? got some1 anot?".... here's where reality check begins... if some1 were to really fall in love with me... it will just be like Beauty falling in love with the Prince first then the Beast will subtlly appear next to majorly freak her out... I'm serious... 1st obstacle: myself... 2nd obstacle: my family... 3rd obstacle: my friends... I would say the 1st 2 areas are bigger... the tigress within & her family... it's complicated... too private to post it here... sometimes I wonder... where does this word happiness come from? God.. when U created this word, wat went thru UR mind? On Tues, I was admitted to the A & E @ Changi Hospital.. got discharged within an hr or so.. had 3 days mc... at home now recuperating.. Social services will be coming in a few days to have a talk with my family... I've an assignment due on thurs.. havent started yet... Every wk for me is a drama... so much so tat sometimes, I keep it all to myself.. not bcos i dont trust God... but bcos sometimes I'm just very very very tired of talking... all of us are not prefect... even leaders have their down times.. but it is impt tat we all climb out of that pit-hole & bounce back to our feet.. my close frens are still there... but they cant be there 4 me 24/7... only God can... I've this habit of looking at the sky during my quiettime to enjoy His presence.. I feel starring at this form of nature is 1 way to know tat there's always a God who's looking out for u.. I will be accountable after I've recovered.. tat's me... I'm deep... it takes a really very understanding person to get to know me within... If the guy is out 4 a fairy tale ending... then sorry... I'll pass.. now guys... this is my reason why I havent found some1 yet... it's very very complicated.. my life goes way past the everyday routine lifestyle of an avg Singaporean... so dont ask me y am I still not attached or y I still have not found some1? I will... in time to come but who? only God knows... I'm happy for all those around me who have found their love.... my advice... stay happy always.... work towards happiness.. Ask God for constant happiness.. cherish tat happiness & u'll be happy... most of the time...

Last Semester for the FT students..

Nah.. it's not the last 4 me... but today when I attended the compulsory lectures, it was going to be some of my fellow classmates last semester.. They're mostly full-time students so they can finish their course earlier.... some of us have been classmates for the past 3 yrs.. we were just talking about it today during their smoking break... 3 years! can you imagine...?? everything's super ticking by the clock... hiaz.. it's sad to see them go... from next semester onwards, I'll not see them anymore... this weekend, it was rather boring for the Research Methods & Theory class but for the Organisational Psychology.. as usual, I kept clowning around during the activities done... it was super fun... we had to build something tall using some material... then do some crazy tests... after everything, I actually introduced myself to the lecturer (the 1 who failed me for plagarism last semester).. he just told me." Oh.... so you're the one.... dont ever do that again... you should be lucky you're still in the course... I wasn't so lenient towards the others..." haha... oops... my fault I guess... kinda took the easy way out while doing the assignments in addition to my full-time job & lots of stuff going on.... during his class, I was super responsive to all his questions... made the whole class laugh during group discussions (1 of my classmate even asked me if I was on drugs!! crazy gurl....) & I was so surprised that he laughed as well... whahaha.. u should have seen him laugh... with his big fat tummy, he looked like Santa Claus enjoying early Chirstmas... whahaha.... he's actually 1 serious dude who goes around scolding students(including me)... every1 super dislikes him... in turn.. he kept using me as examples... 1 very good example for a plagarism case.... now the whole class knows I plagarised... malu... have been a 'maluating' student since young actually... 1 of my classmate asked me," wha... why he so good to you ah? got special treatment...." Hmm... nah... no special treatment la I feel... just favour from God I guess... I'm surprised now I actually feel like I do like him... 1 of my fav teachers now... Hopefully everything goes well for me & I'll be able to grad by the end of next year (2009)... it's been really draggy for me.... How do I view sch life now as a part-time student? now... I like school, I still eat in class (not finger food but real meals like chicken rice.. haha)... still hate assignments but tries not to visit the website http://www.echeat.com/ (1 assignment due tmr but I'm still working on it.. on my own), still hate studying (but no choice.. gotto do it).. showing lecturers much more respect whenever I talk to them than b4 when I first joined church... stopped bullying my version of "nerdy & oh-so-high & mighty classmates" (in my psych class there're actually tons of nerds)... I group with newer people now instead of sticking to that same bunch that always sits at the back of the class, fold their arms & clown around when it's time to be serious... Nevertheless, I still sit at the back but I clown at the rite time... not randomly like I used to b4... school actually rocks overall... too bad.. I'm just a part-time student... going to school makes me feel young... Sometimes I bump into some of the local lecturers who actually hv lots of stuff to talk about to me... they know I hv trouble studying so they always ask me how am I coping... from there we chat just about anything under the moon & the sun... wat's the best thing about them is.. they accept me for who I am... even if I just pass, they'll be very happy for me... hahaha... today, I was so sleepy... during the lecture I went out by the backdoor downstairs to buy bubble tea cos it has pearls to chew on then I wouldn't sleep.. couldn't wait till breaktime... b4 tat I made use of the time to ease myself by some bombing... in total I was gone for 45 mins... oops again... yeh I know... only Amanda would do such absurd things rite? Still got some remnants of naughtiness in me... ok.. I'm trying.. really trying... Tmr's another round of that boring lecture... BUT... I hv to cherish the last few moments with my FT classmates.. really gonna miss them...

Shiong Shiong.. really Shiong...

Super duper shiong wk 4 me.. but the 1st 2 days of my corporate journey's not tat bad... waking up 4 the 7am prayer meeting really is shiong... dont really like to rush here & there... I leave the house at 6.30am & come home at 8pm... lots to grasp at work.. lots of clinical terms to memorize.. I do about 4 interviews a day.. 1/2hr to 45 mins each... long talks with my boss... needa meet her ad hoc demands... this is crazy... really feeling it rite now.. abit feverish... tink i betta go rest early today... this weekend I got compulsory weekend sch.. gonna miss service... sianz... just when i needed them to feed me spiritually.. nvm.. I'll bang on cg & the PMs... okie.. gonnna pop some pills then go to bed.. I seriously wonder how the SOT students do it... ppl like Gab... I salute u bro.... honestly...

Beijing Olympics

Guess wat.. when I was typing this.. my comp auto shut down... & my full blog was gone... yes... once it's gone.. it's really gone.. so now I'm trying to start over by recalling remnants of wat I tried to explain earlier.. Anyway... I watched the Beijing Olympics & I tell u.. it was spectacular.. This is coming from some1 who was ex anti "chi-nah"... In the past I even hated my own race... yes.. I know... some of u r really shocked but sad to say.. it was true... got better though when I got saved... okie.. back to the Beijing olympics... ya.. I was really blown away by the way the people of Beijing displayed all forms of art & the unity formed during the performance... although it was very China style.. the overall performance was tremendously colourful & enlightening... it's really amazing how they can put the story of China all in just one performance.. I didn't get sick of seeing it.. my butt was glued to the sofa for hours (apart from toilet breaks).. when the nations were doing the march ins.. I actually sat there to see everyone of them enter the stadium... amazing... so many countries... so many types of people... some reserved.. some super onz like me... hahaha... His creation rocks man... I liked the part where the torch was lighted by the last man... it was really cool... yes.. I'm really blown away by the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics... after tat nite.. I actually caught the women's weightlifting & basketball matches... man... these women are really tough man.. sometimes I wonder whether they're males in disguise... so muscular!! wha.... I hope to see more handsome hunky swimmers down the road when I switch on the TV.. abit tired of watching women matches.. but this is with the exception of men's weightlifting competition... I find them disgusting.. too muscular already... abit gross la I feel... the date 8/8/08 is really an aupicious date to most typical chinese ppl.. to me.. I hardly care.. but I heard in China they actually hv induced pregnancy to make themselves pregnant on this date... hiaz... the extent to wat ppl go thru & lengths they take just for making it to "kana" the auspicious date... wat's up man?! nvm.. it's just their preference & liking... wat can I say rite? just be happy... tat's wat I always tell myself... just be happy.. everything's gonna be alrite... well.. I am happy now... tmr is a brand new day for me after crossing over a mountain & a valleythe last 3 weeks or so... ambigious rite? nvm... want to know just ask me wat am I talking abt... I'll try to explain to u as much as I can... thank God 4 great supporters from peers & family... gonna be quite shiong cos assignments are coming up as well.. gonna test my discipline to wake up early everyday to go to paya lebar 4 PM starting tmrl... I will try my best... at the end of the day.. at least I tred my best... but I know I need tat so I'm willing to rise early & go 4 it by hook or by crook... I tink my "jie meis" will be there as well.. so cool to pray with them.. all mighty strong cgls with such a dynamic cg & prayer life... my inpirations... earnestly... tink these few days I really must cherish my bed & slp.. like wat I always say... cherish every single moment of ur life... whahaha...

D.I.S.C

Have u guys eva taken the DISC personality test? I've taken one in sec sch, another one when I first started working and just a few days ago... I took another... my results... I have changed from a D.I to an I.D.. & am now a I.S.... xia was just telling me tat day... where did ur D disappear to? yes.. I feel it's gone... but perhaps for the better... I feel it's for the better... circumstances around me just change and as I moved with that change... I changed as well.. so I guess in the midst of coping & dealing with changes... I lost my D... have been thru quite a bit these 3 yrs... some1 told me tat my life experiences can definitely be compiled to shoot a drama series.. better than soap opera... whahaha... but I hv become much stronger and am thankful for tat... couldn't hv done it without HIM... I was actually out with J one day... she asked me wat my life would be like without HIM in it... my thoughts just went blank suddenly... I had my answer... my life would definitely be meaningless... I feel it is always a joy to go thru obstacles with ppl who care... at least u know u're not alone... u have ppl to count on in times of need... these ppl are put in ur life 4 a purpose to help u out thru this tough journey.... perhaps this may b one of the reasons why I am still here today... Thank God 4 tat... Gonna be a tough few weeks ahead.. sch, work, ministry, family, personal growth, frens... things are actually heating up now... but I believe if I hv gotten this far.. I'll carry on.. I'll keep on keeping on & I will succeed cos NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER!! amen & amen to tat........

Life & Death

Life & death..... something everyone will have to go thru someday in their lifetime.. wat happens if u were the 1 experiencing the lost of a love one... hiaz.... unbearable huh.... these few days I've been seeing alot of my frens each experience the death of a family member one by one..... parent.. grandparent... relative..... sometimes I ask why must such things happen? Why does God allow such things to happen? It is really not easy to deal with a death of a love one... I cannot imagine how I would feel if the same would happen to me... it would definitely feel like my whole world has just crumbled down.. Just got off the phone with 1 of my fren.... her mum just passed away aft battling cancer for abt a yr or so... hard time 4 her... the longest I eva toked to her on the phone but we grew closer... her family grew closer... I'm glad tat at least some good can spring forth from a death at times... she's strong... at times like this.. I really look up to her... hiaz.. just tryin to be there 4 her now... I didn't know the seriousness of her mum's condition so I kinda neglected her... really regretting it now... so I'll try to make amends to the best of my ability... tat means I got a wake to attend tmr nite aft work.. On a personal touch, I lost my aunt to cancer a few yrs back as well.... so I kinda know how it feels but I guess every person's hurt is differentiated to a certain level beyond comparison... so I shall not compare, but the impt thing abt this is tat our faith & strength gets drastically tested... so it is a joy to grow thru life... thru it all.. we know tat some time aft all these is over.. we can finally stand tall once again and say... "I'm okay... & I'm on my way".. Yay!

Nothing is Impossible For You...

Nice song we sang today.. Healer... Felt sooo much betta aft this week.. Aft svc, PM, hanging out with Xia & ZF, hanging out at Pei Pei's with the GLBs & Anna... I had a blast.. thank God for soo many wonderful frens He has placed in my life... all showing different forms of concern... Thanks guys... I love ya'll... Thanks for believing in me & helpin me thru this ordeal.... Now, all I know is.. It's gonna be a new start.. gonna be a new beginning.. Gotta start somewhere.... Where I left off will be my stepping block.. & this will be my flourishing expedition... No matter wat happens... He's still in control..... I am still far from giving up...

Back to Square-one... Why.....

I'm now back to square 1.. difficult period now... but it was worse b4... so I should be able to get thru this once more.. God is my strength & my portion 4eva.. hiaz... Idy told me:"If 1 door closes, God will open another."..... ZF told me:"You're a strong woman, God is the strength of ur Heart".. Hiaz... Thank God 4 leaders who believe in me wholeheartedly.. Mariah Carey has a song "Through the Rain".. Nice song 4 a time like this.. Where I go from here..... I do not know.. Only God knows.. He'll give me my future & He'll be my hope... I will stand up tall once again.. I will......

My Carefree Days in July 2008

This is a month I will never ever forget cos I tink wat I've attained now comes only once in a lifetime... Being paid to sit at home to shake legs.. how good can this get huh? well technically at least.. cos I'm not actually at home 24-7... I would have seriously died of boredom... but WOW.... this is sooo cooolll... nv tot it'll as cool as this.. do wat I wanna do 4 a whole month! I've had 4 massages.. went to Batam & Tioman.. Shopped like twice every week... I'm really happy.. feels so good to boast abt wat God has done 4 me once again... I'm actually listening to a series of cds by Joyce Meyer rite now.. Thanks Kelly darling 4 lending them to me.. My rest is ending & I'm gonna end it well.. gonna make some plans in my life rite now... anyway.. change is good..

Bonkity Bonk...

Yeah.. tat's wat I call my bro at times... today.. I decided to blog abt my bro... just 1 of them (cos I've got 2 bros).. ppl call him Shen Wei Cong... he doesn't like to be called by his English name cos they made fun of his English name from a very young age of 6(I shall not reveal wat it is also).. hiaz... he's gonna ORD in Jan... but being a sergent.. he's still very much cramped with course schedules... only can come out on Sats & Suns... just now he told me,"Jie.. go & study la.." but I chose to watch him pack him camp stuff & fall asleep on his bed... to me... I'm merely cherishing the moments with him... these few weeks.. I've been doin lots of shopping with him.... I did spend money... but not on myself... but on him! Man! I trained up a shopaholic...! Just last last week, he bought a pair of spectacles... last week he bought a Topman Jeans (Thank God 4 the 20% discount voucher Sky gave me)... Today, when it was my turn to choose sth to buy... I couldn't find anything... hiaz... wat's up man? not my day 4 shopping I guess... My bro's very quiet... he only talks to ppl he knows very well in his own stern way... but he looks cool & has a very soft heart... his dressing is sooooo my style & he has a potential man-hunt figure... u guys shld see him do pull-ups.. hahaha... my relationship with him used to be very bad & I mean real bad... 4 details do ask me in private.. if can share I'll share with u... haha.. but aft early 2007, things started to get better progressively... at least now we're talking & laughing (he seldom laughs) together... going shopping together (ppl always mistake him 4 my BF... hmm.... hope this doesn't bring down my market value)... we're good.. but this is apart from his ad-hoc 'PMS'.. like me.. he always puts on a brave front but deep down only God knows wat's happening... today he told me..."Jie, enough of buying for me la... You've bought enough S*** for me already".. it's just his way of saying thank you to me.. I just replied,"Well.. at least I bought you some useful S***.." When we got home... he bought for me my fav bubble tea drink... I guess strong relationships are fostered to spending qaulity time with one another.. whoeva it may be.. to get to know the person & vice versa.. this needs prioritization as well... Spending quality time is 1 of my love languages.. Something I will look 4ward to in my future relationship with my BF or husband...

My wisdom tooth

Just went 4 my wisdom tooth surgery this wk... on Monday in fact.. kinda shared abt it during cell grp just now... phewww... being at home since Monday, I finally got a chance to get out of the house... if it's not 4 cgm, I'd probably still be rotting away at home till now... Anyway... 4 those who weren't at cg today, I just wanna blog abt my wisdom tooth surgery experience to you guys... whahaha... it's quite gross (tat's y I didn't post a pic of my wisdom tooth online) but nvm la... anyway.. I'm tat kind tat always tok abt anything to you guys wat... so surely ya'll will be able to take this nonsencical story of mine...hahaha... anyway... here goes....... for starters.... this is my 3rd wisdom tooth removal (1 removed in 2006 & another in 2007)... this wisdom tooth of mine was growing sideways not upwards.. so although it was not giving me any trouble at the moment, the doctor adviced me to remove it as it was pushing the tooth next to it outwards... I had to have 3 anestesia jabs.. all 3 jabs were crazy... you guys shld see the needle.. the sight of the long needle is enough to make u faint.... then you had to go thru an x-ray... first the doctor made me put on some heavy vest that weighed a tonne... then shoved some very big plastic thingy into my mouth.. I was told to hold it there 4 abt 2 mins... just when i tot it was all done, the doctor told me tat they didn't get a full pic of the tooth cos it was too deep in the gum... so, guess wat she did... she pushed the plastic thingy deeper into my mouth.. Geez.... I was seriously on the verge of choking on it... nevertheless, I endured the discomfort till the whole X-ray was over.... it was finally over, by the time the plastic thingy was taken out of my mouth, it was totally soaked in saliva... (& all the girls say..... EEEEwwwwwww....)hahahaha... see i can predict wat u guys will say.... next I went back to lie down.. the doctor explained to me 1 risk I was gonna deal with for the surgery, my wisdom tooth was very near a nerve.. once the nerve was hit... something will happen (forgot wat she said already)... anyway.. it didn't.. thank God... b4 the surgery commenced, I was given 6 pills to finish & was blindfolded... they did alot of stuff... opened my gum (lost of blood involved here I guess)... then my head kept shaking alot.... nope, I wasn't the 1 doin the shaking.. the 2 doctors were shaking my tooth super hard... they told me my tooth couldn't be taken out as a whole so they had to saw it into 2... I almost freaked out!! I had a fren whose tooth had to be sawed into 4! for once, I could fully understand how he felt then.. Upon hearing the sound of them sawing my tooth, I was really 1mm close to freaking out.... i'm serious.. very horrible experience... the sound sucked big time... I should have brought along my music to listen to or sth... although I was blindfolded, I was very very aware of wat was happening... tat's not all.. during the sawing process, a bit of the root was chipped off.. they removed the big parts first (my head started to shake again) before starting to dig for it beneath the gum... just when i tot they found the miserable small bit of tooth, they lost it! it dropped! what!! #$!@#%!#^^#$^!#!@%..... (dont worry... I'm not scolding bad words.. I have way surpassed tat stage long time ago..) I was really freaking out internally now.. I prayed to God 4 them to find tat stupid piece of tooth tat so conveniently decided to chip off... at last... a few seconds later.. they found it... you have no idea how relieved I was... the cleaning up part wasn't so bad.. I'm glad they did it.. prevent it from getting infected unnecessarily... they stuffed a gauze in my gum & told me to hold it there 4 abt 3 mins to stop the bleeding(geez... I wonder how much I bled out)... then came the stiching part... it was just 3 stiches.. but in every stitch, the doc had to press my tongue & jaw down (I dunno 4 wat la).. so picture this... 1 doc holding my jaw & 1 doc stitching me up... crazy... I felt so difficult to breath... everytime he did a stitch, he would press my tongue 4 some apparant reason & I would feel like choking(again)... stitching was done.. another huge gauze was stuffed into my mouth... aft it was all over, they removed the blindfold... & it was really like seeing Heaven I tell u... I couldn't even open my eyes straight away... aft squinting a bit... I managed to fully open them.. it was all over!!!! finally..... whooooo.... doc then gave me a bag full of medicine & briefed me through wat I would be experiencing 4 a week... wat to do.. wat to eat... blah blah blah.. to conclude, I was given a 6 days mc to recover(which I'm doing pretty well at now)....... so tat's my wisdom tooth surgery story.... enjoyed it? hahahaha.....

Mariah Carey... Bye Bye

hiaz... tink i'm goin bonkers over this song... well... tat's me... everytime I'm hooked to a song.. it can go on & on 4eva... the most 2 weeks... hahahaha... Lyrics: This is for my people's Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man, or your lady Put your hand way up high We will never say bye (No, no, no) Momma's, daddy's Sister's, brother's Friends, and cousins This is for my people's Who lost Their grandmothers Lift your head to The the sky Cause we will never Say bye As a child There were them times I didn't get it But you kept me in line I didn't know Why you didn't show up Sometimes On Sunday mornings And I missed you But I'm glad we talked through All grown folk things Seperation brings You never let me know it You never let it show it Caused you loved me And obviously There's so much more to say If you were With me today Face to face I never knew I can hurt like this And everyday Life rolls on I wish I can talk to you For a while Miss you but Not to cry As time goes bye And It's true You reached A better place Still I'd give The world To see your face and right here Next to you Now the hardest thing To do is say Bye, bye-bye Bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye And you never Got a chance to see How good I've done And you never Got to see me Back at number one I wish that you was here To celebrate together I wish that we can spend The holidays together I remember when you use To tuck me in at night Or the teddy bear u give me That I held so tight I thought you were so strong You make it through whatever It's so hard to except The fact you gone forever I never knew I can hurt like this And everyday Life rolls on I wish I can talk to you For a while Miss you but Not to cry As time goes by And It's true You reached A better place And I'd still give The world Is in your face and be right here Next to you Now the hardest thing To do is say Bye, bye-bye Bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye This is for my people's Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man, or your lady Put you hand way up high You will never say bye (No, no, no) Momma's, daddy's Sister's, brother's Friends, and cousins This is for my people's Who lost their Grandmother's Lift your head To the sky Cause we will never Say bye I never knew I can hurt like this (I never knew it) And everyday (Everyday I wish that I) Life goes on like this (I wish, I wish) I wish I can talk to you For a while (I wish) Miss you but Not to cry (I wish) As time goes by (As time goes bye) And It's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world To see your face And me right here Next to you And the hardest thing To do is say Bye-bye It's hard to say Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye So come on Somebody sing it with me Wave your hands up high Cause this is For my peoples that Just lost somebody This is for everybody Just lift your head To the sky Cause we will never Say bye-bye

Exams.... ARRRGH.......

I seriously hate this E word... hated it from the beginning... but just gotto go thru it man.... thx guys 4 the encouragment to keep me going.. although I'm not really on the move now but I'm starting to... it was better than all my previous semesters......... just had my wisdom tooth plucked out...... too gross to post it online but the bottomline is... it was sawed into 2... plus I had 3 jabs & 6 days of MC... so work tat out peeps... some serious surgery huh..... now the left side of my jaw is super swollen but funny thing... I can eat!! I actually had rice & noodles yesterday.... & I could talk yesterday.... tat means i only suffered for 1 day instead of 6 days... haha... okie... the only thing I cannot do till now is my signature move... LAUGH!hahahahaha.. ya... I can only 'laugh' online.... whahahahahahaaha..... okie... I shall stop now... (Still gigling... oops...)... man I miss laughing.... I kinda stumbled onto this song... by my favourite singer - Mariah Carey... hope u guys will enjoy it like I do... it's a very touching song... sad song though... planning to sing this song someday to someone..... cos it's really a very nice song.... Mariah Carey- Bye Bye

I miss A.....

No... it's not a guy's name.... Managed to chat online with 1 of my ex-helper... a little shocked that she came to chat with me at 1st on msn but later... Sadness just filled me.. she's no longer in church....... I remembered.. that she was always encouraging me.. pulling me up during my most difficult period of my life... we sang parts together.. laughted together... she saw me through tat few hours I was crying my heart out on 1 of the worse wks of my life... telling me.. "it's okie".. praying with me... staying there by my side.. just being there when no one was... I remember that I even envied her once.. I wanted to be very much like her then... but now... here I am, where she was then.. but she's no longer around... no longer beside me on stage... no longer teaching me parts... no longer the girl I used to know... Is this part & parcel of rising up? Somehow, I keep telling myself.. no matter wat happens.. I CANNOT BACKSLIDE.. 2006 was a very down period for me.. I've crossed tat barrier... but I know we live in this world of great tribulation.. I hope somehow.. I'll be able to overcome whateva that comes before me.... I dont want to slip away.. it's a scary thought... to slip away...

Stop figuring thing out girl..

Hmm... Sunday night.. 1 of the days I don't really look 4ward to.. but it is a time of rest & recuperating from a whole hectic wk.. sometimes things that happen during the wk can really drain u... tat's where goin to church comes in.. a place to get re-charged before you're thrown into the 'world' again to make a diff.. Felt really fresh aft avc & PM today... the only regret was not answering the altar call Pst gave to get tat fresh touch... tink I needed tat.. well... there's always a nexttime perhaps... I'm actually suppose to be studying now... but just felt like blogging.. oops.. sorry(to those who have always, constantly nagged at me to study)... Well, no choice.. need to express some thoughts.. Eva wanted to discover why certain things happen and why certain things do not? Well, I do.. but today, a few ppl knocked some 'sense' into me.. making me realise the importance with just trusting God & the plans He has for me.. "Do not be anxious for nothing... 4 in due season, wat you sow, you shall definitely reap".. This was one of the verses that came to me today... Think I have finally gotten over why some things r allowed to happen to me & why some things doesn't.. this period was though to embrace... but surely God works in ways we cannot see... Maybe now is not the rite time 4 the things tat I'm hoping for rite now... time to focus more on wat He wants me to & not wat I want to.. My studies, ministry, cg, reaching out.. lots of stuff to keep me bz for quite some time huh... 2 more yrs... just 2 more years.. I'm waiting for the day to come where I can finally focus totally on the things I've been wanting to focus on for such a long long time... Patience gal.. there's a time & season for everything.. Followed xia to take her 'rejection' letter today at choir.. disappointment just filled her... it's ok girl.. just train up ur vocals more or do other stuff... u're not a very bad singer.. next audition, we'll go together... we'll rehearse together k... Time is ticking away.. time for me to tender my resignation soon... Looking back at these 1 yr I've been with my company.. I can bravely say tat I have grown in many aspects... My boss told me b4.. "I have nv seen some1 which such a high tolerance level like u.. & I like u 4 this..." Well, from some1 tat has been so detested in the dept... I am now some1 very much wanted by ppl of the marketplace... Having battled very very hard in the area of my career 4 the past 3 years... so much so tat even sometimes no matter how much I try.. I nv seem to find tat breakthru.. the breakthru has finally arrived... moving on to greener pastures.. Thanks God.... Surely U make all things new... Actually got lots of pics to upload.. some of them quite backdated... hiaz.. nvm... we shall see when I can find the time to do so la uh....

When will it be 'my now'?

American Idol Season 7.. Missed the 1 hr plus of the finals cos I was at CGM.. sobz... but thank God I managed to catch the last part of it.. Even though David Cook won, I feel Archuleta still rules... Actually for the girls, I was counting on Carly Smithson.. Love her tattoo on her right arm, it's like twice as big as mine... haha... My Fav Female Singer for American Idol Season 7--> Carly Smithson A flash back at American Idol Season 6, Jordin's Sparks triumphant moment... She's such a powerful singer.. when ppl aren't at home.. I scream out her songs like some crazy girl... whahaha... bet a lot of ppl must be shaking their heads now..

Freaky, Creepy Past

Eva felt like sometimes u just feel like burrying ur past & start over? But somehow, ur past nv leaves you alone.. it's 4eva creeping up into your life like some stupid mystery crawler.. or giving u a surprise unexpected request tat'll leave you so appalled, you wont even hv words to describe how you feel at tat very moment.. funny how things go & turn out, tat when u look back to ur past & compare it to ur present, u're thankful to hv gone thru all tat.. I remember the times when I had to deal alot with my past, alone, with the help of frens & my Father in Heaven.. it wasn't easy... in the end, I did pull thru.. not 100% but at least enough to keep me happy 4 a reasonable amount of time.. I love being happy, I wanna be happy! I wanna make ppl happy.. I want ppl to laugh with me, share my joy, my jokes, laughter.. being sad tears down ur world as well as others.. likewise when u're angry... so wat drives me is to take things easy, cherish every single moment of ur life & tat which u share with others as well... I cherish every single moment spent with my family, frens, cg, ministry, colleagues (only the good ones), childhood frens... although many have diff lives to live but ultimately, everyone gets to share a few moments of it with each other.. Just like how I spend time with my Father in Heaven.. those r the moments tat can really move me to tears.. the feeling of genuine love, gratitude, self-worth, blessings, a sense of belonging.. just 1 big Daddy I would love to run to 4 a big bear hug... Today my past crept up on me again.. very unexpectedly.. Well, here's counting on You God... Whom have I in Heaven but U There is nth on Earth I desire besides U My heart & my flesh Many times they fail But there is 1 truth tat always will prevail God is the strength of my heart (2x) God is the strength of my heart & my portion 4eva Forever.........

Nice break... more to come...

The weekend was a blast.. with only 1 major regret.. missed svc... Being back from the long wkend.. I struggled abit to wake up for work today... to me, I feel like I'm serving my notice period already.. still contemplating hard whether I should give a 1 mth or 24 hr notice to my boss.. I'd better tink fast... time is ticking by.. not an easy decision to make though.. A surprise call from ZF yest... a great leader who really believes in his sheep.. I know tat I can always count on him to steer me to the right path... My studies, somehow taking a toll on every single dream tat I have for now.. it's so frustrating.. somehow it feels like my life's just hanging there.. but Idy told me... wat's got to be done.. has to be done.. so here am I.. doing it... -_- Something in me's just feeling odd, burdened abt some stuff, some uncomprehensible burden.. tink I just gotto pray abt it.. I've been very quiet lately.. apart from my booming & hearty laughter (which'll always b super sonically loud) tat sounds of every now & then.. I've serious been doing alot of thinking.. talking to God.. reading my books.. well, since the exams r drawing near.. I'd better switch to textbooks.. haha.. Found out a few frens just got attached recently... some broke up.. hiaz.. the irony of relationships, the bitter sweet sentiment with some rough touches to it every now & then.. I wish them well though.. This song has been running thru my mind for a very long time.. A very high song for the girls.. but an ok song 4 the guys.. Hmmm.. y dont we sing it in church anymore? Anyway, here's part of it, I've been singing it quite often these days.. Hopefully the angels wont tink I'm screeching at the chorus.. ------------------------------------------ Take me to tat place Lord Where there's nth else but me & U Longing for Ur presence I know tat You're calling me to U Here I stand & long for Ur embrace Nth else could eva take Your place Come Holy Spirit Fall in this place I need more & more of U Fill me again with the pwr of Ur spirit Lord I'm crying out for more & more of U ------------------------------------------

Take A Bow..

Kinda falling in love with this song now... have been hearing it on radio quite recently.. not a very good & positive song to get hooked onto but I just find it interesting. A subtle way of telling off someone who has cheated on you for so long. Well, as far as I know, this senario this song is describing no longer applies and will nv again apply to me.. Amen! "Take A Bow"--> From Rihanna Oh, How about a round of applause, Yeah A standing ovation Oooooo, YeahYeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah You look so dumb right now Standing outside my house Trying to apologize You’re so ugly when you cry Please, just cut it out [Chorus] Don’t tell me you’re sorry cuz you’re not Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught But you put on quite a show You really had me going But now it’s time to go Curtain’s finally closing That was quite a show Very entertainingBut it’s over now (But it’s over now) Go on and take a bow Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone) You better hurry up Before the sprinklers come on (come on) Talkin’ bout'Girl, I love you, you’re the one This just looks like a re-run Please, what else is on (on) [Chorus] And don't tell me you’re sorry cuz you’re not Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught But you put on quite a show You really had me going But now it’s time to go Curtain’s finally closing That was quite a show Very entertaining But it’s over now (But it’s over now) Go on and take a bow [Bridge]Oh, And the award for The best liar goes to you (goes to you) For making me believe (that you) That you could be faithful to me Let's hear your speech, Oh How about a round of applause A standing ovation But you put on quite a show Really had me going Now it’s time to go Curtain’s finally closing That was quite a show Very entertaining But it’s over now (But it’s over now) Go on and take a bow But it’s over now

Happy Mother's Day 2008

Well.. it's the time of the yr where we celebrate Mother's Day again... when those guys said speeches to their mother's, I just teared.. reminded me of what my mum used to endure and perservered while bringing the 3 of us up.. This wkend, I was fully packed with activities.. 4 This yr, since I have more spending power.. I bought 2 huge bouquets of flowers 4 my mum & grandma.. aft tat took my mum + grandparents out for dinner at a Jap Restaurant at Riverview Hotel.. Forgot wat was the name of the restaurant, but bcos I didn't make a booking b4 hand, we got the Sushi counter seats (all sitting in single file).. not tat bad.. my grandfather liked the food.. As usual.. had to endure all the bickerings from them and having food passed left and right several times.. best thing was... I was sitting in the middle of them all! Geez!! So I just shut my ears and ate my meal.. actually kind of gotten used to them being like this.. haha.. Before I met them for dinner, I actually came from 1 of my choir fren, Winnie's wedding.. many choir members were there as well.. but mostly from Bari & Alto.. I was the only Sop there and I only realised it aft the matrimony.. still, we were one happening group.. very happy 4 Winnie just like I always do 4 any married couple.. teared when she marched in (like I always do at every wedding, except this was a little earlier than I expected.. Man!).. I could see the look on Eugene's face, it just showed love, relief, joy, yearning, anxiousness, anticipation & just sth tat said, "I'm gonna commit to this. Period." Guess all grooms ought to go into marriage with this kinda attitude huh... The lunch banquet was an interesting one... I pyschoed my whole table to order wine.. whahaha.... all of us cheered to the wine glasses only! of course we had other drinks la.. but for "Yum seng" & cheering, only wine glasses were allowed.. whahahaha... tat's the super naughty me tat I am.. whahahaha.. overall, we were a super noisy table no 22.. there was 1 special item for the ladies at the end of the lunch.. Winnie had to throw her bouquet of flowers to a single lady (like ppl traditionally do), well, I just acted blur & ate my noodles, but then I heard my name being announced... "AMANDA!!!! COME..." this was one of the moments I felt like burying myself like an ostrich... everyone looked at me.. when I went there, I was pushed rite to the very front.. the first girl in line.. but news flash.. guess where the flowers landed... right at the back!! So much for being pushed all the way in front.. Well God, guess u got to find me my Mr Right huh? Guess it's not dependant on whether or not I catch all the flower bouquets in the world.. more weddings to come... more love birds getting tied up.. but 4 now, U're all tat matters to me.. Love u God... I managed to catch up with Jas & JH this wkend with the exception of XM... as always.. hope the 4 of us can meet up soon though.. probably aft my exams in June.. rite girls? anway, we watched 'Made of Honour'.. these r the kind of shows we commonly love watching - romantic commedies.. it was a super impromptu decision to do it on a very late Sat nite.. but we did it anyhow.. I reached home at 3am plus.. but I still managed to wake up early 4 svc today! yay...

Minor Obstacles..

Just some quick updates b4 I go catch the long-awaited series of Season Break 3.. Whoo... I like tat guy... handsome.. but sad case... very gay... Anyway, lots have been goin on lately.. choir audition is like tmr! & guess wat.. I cant go cos of my lessons.. Biz stats... Argghhh... I've been slackin quite alot on my studies.. already lost 20% of my marks to missed online assignments.. suddenly I've got no more momentum to re-take this module.. God... Helppp!! I was just talking to Idy on the phone a few wks ago, telling her how much I've missed out on not attending prac.. I hear there were a few sessions tat Belle actually laid hands on us.. See! everything is bcos of my studies.. every single thing tat I'm missing out on in church, is bcos of my studies!!! Aaarrrgggghhhhhh!!!!! This phrase conforts me though, "There's a time & season for everything".. Maybe it's just not my season now... So all those tots & hopes tat have crossed my mind, I somehow have to either work towards them slowly, or shelf them until 2010.. or worse.. 2011... :< Well.. on my career wise, it's somehow on the brighter side.. Big opportunites coming my way.. and this happened after I cleared my BF.. surely wateva u sow, u'll reap bountifully... yay... 1 of my choir member, Meliana actually went back to Jarkata today at 12pm... She left 4 good.. wont b coming back to S'pore.. but good thing I took down her email, facebook & msn.. I'm gonna missed you.. b4 she left, she actually told me how glad she was to be under me even for that short period of time & how she was gonna miss my chirpy self.. wat an encouraging sms.. hiaz... I'm really gonna miss her.. lots.. Then comes Emily, who says she's gonna quit choir to join children's church.. The good Jammie due to great PO, is on a super long break. Only God knows when she'll be back.. Tat's like 3 members taken awy from me... Hiaz... Everytime there's a re-grouping or if members are taken out of my care, I'll just feel like sth is missing, it's not a good feeling (just indescribable), but sometimes I just gotto accept that fact tat ppl carry on with their lives.. Pst once said, if you dont move with change, change will move you.. Well.. parting is just such sweet sorrow... All I can do is just pray 4 my group.. I've been going to KTV like 3 times this mth.. too many ppl jio la.. then summore I'm those super on kind.. haha.. good lor.. can try to test my high range and gain control of my voice.. my colleagues all tell me tat I can sing... but to me, I still have a long way more to go.. still an unfinished good.. 2 assignments due mid next wk, I havent got started.. I better just force myself to do it then.. I seriously promise myself.. when I get this certificate of mine.. I'm nv eva gonna study again... I'm SUPER DUPER SIANZZZ of studying!!!

Frenships.. the importance of it...

Started off with a bang this week.. Felt really recharged from the 2 days of MC i took last Thurs & Fri.. Man... I really needed tat break.. Got some pics to upload cos I went Sentosa on Fri but too lazy to do it now.. another day perhaps.. oh ya.. btw.. my suntanning session flopped.. I'm still as white as eva... Today during choir prac, Idy shared a bit of her revelation to the choir.. being the chief choir IC.. she has been burdened greatly in the area of frenship.. what she said really ministered to me.. gotto share it with my members.. those who weren't here today.. good msg must share.. below's just the gist of it.. 1) What is a true fren? 2) The characteristics a true fren should possess 3) How do we go about building good frenships? 4) The benefits we get out of genuine frenships? Being in choir for abt 5 yrs & in church for abt 7 yrs, I have fostered quite alot of frenships in choir and church. Over these yrs, I've really went thru quite a fair bit.. Truly, frenships does help mould our character.. My frens have nv failed to correct me wheneva I spoke without thinking and pray with me when I was down n out.. During my past relationship, I was super-glued to some1 whom I now can bravely say hi to.. Nth else or no1 else around me mattered during tat 3 yrs.. not even my family.. yes.. I'm serious.. however God did prove me wrong down the road.. people matter.. frens matter and family matters.. I just had to learn the hard way but the most impt thing was.. I learnt... Now.. in church, I am nv alone, always with at least 1 fren n I always feel so loved by those around me.. I believe as we open up more to others, we will be accepted eventually.. drop all the cliques and just be more receiving towards ppl.. so even when I'm discipled, it is clearly done with love.. Every few steps I walk, I keep saying a chirpy 'hi' to ppl.. see.. there's just so much joy in the frenships I have fostered over the years.. I can bravely say tat I have changed over the yrs, less aggressive, greater endurance, enlarged capacity etc. Thanks to my wonderful frens tat God has placed amongst me, even including those not from church.. Some of them have really stood by me.. Lany, Rushy, HM, HC, Jenny.. etc, etc.. too many to mention.. THANKS GUYS! I LOVE YA'LL... We were told to list down 3 frens we're closest to in choir and 3 tat we wanna be close to by the end of April.. I was very touched when some frens told me after prac, "Hey, I put u down as 1 of my close fren leh.." I was really very very touched, u guys have no idea how touched I was... okie.. I'm seriously in a very thankful mood today... Miss fellowshipping with the choir members (chiongsters).. everytime they go out, I got to work the next day or I'm super busy with work n assignments.. I only see all of them once a wk for a few hours.. or sometimes once every 2 weeks.. Now prac's gonna be on Tues.. Man! I HAVE CLASSES la... cant miss my classes also cos I failed this module b4..Hiaz.. Idy says to just try to come as often as possible.. I hardly miss prac.. I just missed prac last week & today when I came back, I felt like I missed sooo much... Didn't know wat Ronnie was teaching on the theory part... Lost in outer space.. all I know was tat the music notes were just cooked or raw fishballs with sticks on top of them and moles beside them... this is where I was this close to roaring with laughter.. tink u guys are wondering wat in the world am I talking abt.. nvm.. who will know better than my bestest laughing Khaki---- Idy... Whahahaha....

Happy Easter!

Easter was great! Hmm... tat's apart from being 'bang seh' by my fren.. Did some hanging out yest with my sec sch frens.. had a great blast.. it's been a while since I hung out with them... I only managed to take one pic cos the rest of them were too camera shy.. Hiaz... Wat's up with the camera shyness man!!

Me & my Sec sch 'kor'..

I got home one sunday and just hit my study table.. wanted to write my journal and do some quality reading.. I didn't even bother to remove my make-up.. yewww.. disgusting..

Me huggin Pooh.. bored at home... all changed but make-up not yet removed.. Lazy pig..

Catching up on some reading..

Oh ya.. forgot to blog abt this.. James's departure was a sad one.. but he'll be back in Nov.. we hung out at HK cafe just 4 days b4 he left.. The most sickening thing was.. due to my work.. I couldn't see him off.. hiaz.. this is wat i get 4 being a full time working adult.. missing my good fren's departure.. this sure sucks big time man..

We'll miss u bro... This Easter.. I was there like for every svc.. kinda tired but still keeping on.. some frens already fell sick.. 2 from my choir group went down.. Guys! take care of urself k.. drink more water n get as much rest as u can ya.. abit difficult but can try la.. haha..

My cgl's new fren Gladys.. just got saved today!!

Hung out with Angeline and her fren too.. Oops.. I forgot her name.. quite a guai girl to hang out with though..

Me n Mione at Sakae.. She gave me a treat! I went out with my best frens some time back.. tink 2 week ago.. the 4 of us.. great catching up.. we hardly have time for each other nowadays.. Went to Ceni.. watched movie.. sharks.. forgot wat movie we watched..

Me, KH & XM.. hmm.. where Jas..?

Oh.. There she is.. counselling as usual..

Good old Leon.. He's super musically talented with instruments..

Not forgetting my good fren Joshua.. His guitar skill's superb.. He asked me today.. should I sing or play for Dialect... my ans to him was.. wat do u tink? Play la! hahaha... oh man.. hope I didn't insult his singing skills.. haha..

Did take some pics at a combined bbq with the TP harvesters but i'm abit lazy to post them.. haha.. another time maybe.. now I better go Zzzz.. tmr's 1 more day of chionging at expo.. Idy says we must "chu ga liao".. so I'll need my beauty slp..

The horizon.. Wat lies ahead?

There's a switch in my time table.. Thurs nite classes now fall on Tues.. My cgl said God answed his prayers.. the whole cg laughed when they heard this.. Helped out in choir audition on Tues. Did the normal routine of preparing the groups for the actual audition. In the last group of gals, I manage to minister a little to them.. did tell them abit about commitment, passion for singing, vision and dreams.. so much for "I-cant-preach" rite?! Well, self-declaration, I wasn't preaching.. serious.. just chatting.. whahaha... but it was a good time of sharing with the potential choir members. ;P I've been "swimming" in my career for some time now.. Maybe I ought to consider a switch of line.. still praying abt it.. Today, I spoke to 1 of my colleague abt holiday locations.. Me n the GLBs plan to go BK this yr.. Man do I need a holiday rite now? I need time to tink.. sort out my thoughts.. I badly wan to find a place, facing the beach, enjoying the breeze, peaceful, calm... somewhere I can use to really relax... hiaz.. it's just one of those seasons where you do not know wat's beyond the horizon.. wat lies ahead.. only God knows.. Still clinging on... still finding some sense n purpose to it all.. wat lies ahead.. it'll all surface one day.. patience girl.. patience.. trust.. hope.. joy.. keep pressing on..

Catching up..

Lots of things to update on... My new sem has started but my classes timing really suck big time... Thurs & Fri nites.. Now I've gotto go 4 make-up cg 4 abt 4 mths.. this is sickening.. I miss my own cg already... Thank God it didnt touch Wed nites if not I can really say bye to choir prac for 4 whole months.. My work's really draining me.. but I make sure i come home to recharge everyday.. makes me feel so old.. I seriously wonder how my peers can go out everyday after work and come home at 11+, 12+, then still go to work the next day like a half zombie and still work in tat state.. I seriously wonder... Just a while ago, I was walking towards the lift at my house downstairs with my mum & bro.. I heard some1 ring the lift alarm bell many times.. when I reached the lift, 1 of the lift was half jammed.. I could see from the glass pannel of the lift door that some1 was stuck midway from the 1st floor.. the most "amazing" thing was tat many ppl were actually looking at the lift and not doing anything.. they were not even budging! Gosh! I was tinking to myself, why wasn't any1 calling the lift company or helping at all? They were totally NOT doing anything.. Geez! Is seeing some1 stuck in the lift so spectacular?! Got so fed up, grabbed my hp, dialled the helpline and told some1 to get here quick to rescue tat person.. hiaz... ppl nowadays.. they can just get soooo caught up with themselves.. selfish world out there.. so all the more we cannot behave like that.. when u see some1 in need of help.. 4 goodness sake! just help... okie.. better stop.. I sound like a grandma now.. big time! Collecting attendance fr the members was tougher than usual today. Did frustrate me a little but I felt the HS checking mefrom within.. He showed me how to put myself in my member's shoes, understand how they felt. It is not always about getting things done (which is how I work most of the time), but it is the reason behind why we do wat we're doing rite now.. Revelation.. big time.. so I stopped ringing them continuously and just dropped them a nice msg.. they replied! haha.. totally different Amanda Shen rite now.. showing more llloooovvveee kinda girl... Recently, I just feel tat something within me has just changed, "chionging" less, more homely, going frequently for classes, spending more time with my family, reading more(nerd..), shopping less (not sure if this's a gd thing), more piped down... ehhh... will inform u guys of more changes.. hahaha.. Met Jenny yest with WT.. Man! I really missed her... it was a good fellowship though.. got to do lots of catching up like wat I'm doing now... catching up on blogging.. Spent my Sun at Jas's house with the GLBs, JH, XM... we really had a good chat.. I sponsored sparkling juice fr NTUC.. cheap but good stuff.. We had a nice steamboat meal in our "lockcok" outfits, din bother dressing up as our usual self.. why? bcos it was only Jas's house.. haha... big shirt with shorts and specs (that make our eyes look so small), no make up, oily pimply faces.. whahaha.. so 4 tat, we din take any pics.. wat a pity.. even if we did, I wouldnt dare post it online.. whahaha... We're meeting again this fri to catch a show after my class. This time, my camera will be ready..

Happy Chinese New Year!

Whoo.. It's been decades since I've blogged.. Chinese New Year.. To me, this festive season was kinda low-lying for me.. I kinda took the whole week to rest after my exams.. only went out on Thurs.. Morning.. went to both sides of my relative house.. did the usual "bai nian" thingy.. after tat went out with my frens.. well I guess this explains why my hongbao collection has greatly depleted this year..

Just caught the show on channel 5, The Notebook.. I'm a great fan of that show.. Then last week I caught 27 dresses in the movies.. plus Kung Fu Dunk.. nice shows.. Funny.. I caught The Notebook like abt 3 times already.. but I'm still so madly in love with tat show.. Below's a slight summary:

Synopsis: A young woman comes to the coastal town of Seabrook, North Carolina in the 1940's to spend the summer with her family. Still in her teens, Allie Hamilton (Rachel McAdams) meets local boy Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling) at a Carnival. On the spot, Noah senses that he and Allie are meant to be together.... A young woman comes to the coastal town of Seabrook, North Carolina in the 1940's to spend the summer with her family. Still in her teens, Allie Hamilton (Rachel McAdams) meets local boy Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling) at a Carnival. On the spot, Noah senses that he and Allie are meant to be together. Though she is a wealthy debutante and he a mill worker, over the course of one passionate and carefree summer in the South, the two fall deeply in love. Circumstances - and the sudden outbreak of World War II - drive them apart, but both continue to be haunted by memories of each other. When Noah returns home from the war years later, Allie is irrevocably gone from his life, but not from his heart. Though Noah doesn't yet know it, Allie has come back to Seabrook, where they first fell in love. But now Allie is engaged to marry Lon (James Marsden), a wealthy soldier she met while volunteering in a GI hospital. Decades later, a man (James Garner) reads from a faded notebook to a woman (Gena Rowlands) he regularly visits at her nursing home. Though her memory has faded, she becomes caught up in the fiery story of Allie and Noah - and for a few moments, she is able to relive the passionate, turbulent time when they swore they'd be together always. New Line Cinema presents The Notebook, a story of lost chances, growing up and the power of enduring love.

In the end.. They got together.. but the poor lady lost her memory.. so sad.. but the guy stilll stayed with her.. This is wat I call 4 better or worse.. till death do us part.. It is easy to stay together during the good times, but are we really ready for the worse?

Monday's back to reality.. work.. I've had a solid 1 week's rest.. so I'm now ready to kick some butt.. Sadly.. It's 1 of my colleague's last day the following Fri.. Hopefully, I'll be able to accomplish alot even without her cos she has been really helpful towards me these past 5 mths..

Incomprehensible Dreams

Have u eva had a dream.. one tat will leave u tinkin all day long.. one tat really pierces thru ur heart and makes u wanna go all out to get it.. seeing lots of ppl around me fulfilling their dreams one by one.. happy 4 them.. then a question comes to me.. Wat's mine? Kinda got lost somewhere at the beginning of the year.. Sunday during svc, I was downrite sick.. didn't serve.. mastered all the strength I had to drag myself 4 svc.. During praise.. I teared.. During worship.. I teared even more.. When Pst Kong asked us to give a 28 min standing ovation to God.. I was cheering, clapping my heart out & tearing to the max! Tink if ppl were to c me then.. they must be tinking.. wat's this girl crying so much abt? At tat time my mind just took me thru all my shortcomings & obstacles in 2007.. my family.. my job.. my life.. my ministry.. times where, I almost wanted to give up.. still He saw me thru it all.. Looking forward.. I am still so blessed.. God still loves me 4 who I am.. I may not be the best choir helper/singer around.. but He still uses me in ways tat sometimes even I fail to see. He knows my desire for certain things in His Kingdom even when I was just too tired to ask anymore.. To Him I am unique.. Things happen 4 a reason.. but yet we fail to see thru our problems.. our minds are always clouded by the problem itself.. Even now, while going thru my daily routine of work, home, church, cg, serving in choir.. I still ponder at times.. where does this route of mine take me in this lifetime? Am I really really ok? can I work out the potential in me? Wat do I really want? all I know is.. I aspire to do more in His Kingdom.. Planning for 2008 isn't really a very easy thing to do.. I'm stuck at many areas.. somehow.. my pen just doesn't seem to surface my inward thoughts.. haven't been slping well either.. talked to JH yest nite.. we had a good talk.. thank God 4 best frens.. felt like I needed a break from the hectic schedule of my job and assignments.. so I'm gonna take leave on Fri, meeting my leader on Fri nite to plan.. Honestly.. I hv concluded tat feeling lost is perfectly normal..we just gotto seek, find and knock at the ending point.. just like how I'm gonna seek Him.. God, really help me k.. I know U can.. U gotto see me thru this.. this lost phase of my life.. help me to fine my way thru this.. I am totally wholly dependant on U & U alone.. I believe, U will see me thru it all.. I'll be fine..

Bye 2007... Hello 2008...

It has already been 5 days into Jan.. I was really flooded with work this week.. at times, I was so busy in the office tat I didn't even have the time to go toilet much less drink water.. can u imagine that?! On top of that, I still got a 4000 word assignment to complete by this wk. Thank God they extended the deadline to 1 wk later.. Hallelujah!! *shouting out loud* Hmm.. this yr's really different.. Normally, I'll carefully plan for my resolutions for the upcoming year but this time round.. it seems as if 2008 just started arubtly.. I'm still in the process of planning.. Have been doing alot of thinking in bits & pieces (cos of my hectic schedule) about where I want to go & wat I want to accomplish in future.. Really seeking His direction in my life rite now.. Thank God that He has placed quite a few ppl in my life to help me out in this area here & there.. I do believe tat every yr's gonna be better than the previous one.. my cgl constantly reminds me tat he believes a breakthru is coming 4 me this yr.. really sounding as if he believes in me more than I do.. haha.. It's funny though.. sometimes I feel I've accomplished quite a fair bit, sometimes I feel tat I can accomplish so much more.. rite now.. I'm just feeling like a hot air balloon, rising but really abt to burst on the inside.. I hope to be filled up not with air this year.. I want to be filled up with His love, presence, guidance, fulfilment, joy, thankfulness and creativity this year in 2008.. my completion is in Him.. Ultimately, it's Him tat matters most to me in this lifetime of mine.. Thanks God 4 pulling me thru.. thru it all... Couldnt have made it past 2007 without Your help.. That's a sure thing!